Ok, quick survey. When approaching a yellow traffic light, you:
- Slow down
- Speed up
When approaching a blinking yellow traffic light, you:
- Slow down
- Speed up
Be honest. Not as if you getting your driver’s license or avoiding a traffic citation depends on it, but in terms of what you actually do when you approach each light.
Despite the technically correct answer in both cases being ‘a’, of course, my guess is that you may have answered ‘b’ to the first one, and ‘a’ to the second. I see it all the time at intersections. I do it myself sometimes. But, why?
Consequences and Motivation
The solid yellow light has a consequence on the other side of it if you slow down (a red light, which means sitting and waiting), while the blinking one doesn’t. We are often motivated by consequences. These consequences bring emotions that we either like to feel or we don’t. In the case of needing to wait at the red light, the emotional consequence may be discomfort of not wanting to feel bored, or perhaps not wanting to be embarrassed or feel guilty if we are late for work or to meet a friend or colleague.
Avoidance or Approach Tendencies
There is an array of things that motivate us. In its simplest form, people tend to either want to avoid pain or experience pleasure, and the scale generally tips in one direction or the other. These avoidance or approach mentalities are cognitive constructs–ways of thinking, seeing and being in the world. They are largely based on our initial upbringing and then reinforced over time, and are mostly sub or unconscious, until we shed light on them.
If we are ‘avoidance driven,’ we do things to get away from something, or avoid a consequence. We might go on vacation to ‘get away from it all’ and spend most of our time eating within the all-inclusive resort, drinking Mojitos by the pool and sleeping til noon.
Some of us have tendencies to move toward something we want, rather than away from something we don’t want. These vacationers are the on-the-goers who never seem to stop. They pack their trips with historical tours and eco-adventures and explore the language, the culture, and the local fare. Of course, in so doing, they are naturally also drawn away from something else they may enjoy avoiding, like the long hours at work, but it isn’t their primary motivator.
Probably most of us are in the middle somewhere with an ever-so-slight tip in one or the other direction.
What Works to Motivate?
So, are consequences good motivators? The answer is…it depends. Fear and consequences can motivate. Last Tuesday after I had sent out my girlfriend potluck night invitation for Friday of the same week, I found myself surveying the baseboards and under-radiator space for dog hairs and dust bunnies, at least on the first floor! On Wednesday evening, I broke out the Swiffer pads, the Clorox cleaner, and, yes, even the touch up paint. I dabbed and fanned paint on scuffed and marred walls and baseboards and scrubbed the floors til they were as spotless as a female leopard gecko. I didn’t want to feel embarrassed. So, for short-term, specific goals, consequences can indeed motivate. It keeps us focused and energized, and we get the job done. I mean, I received accolades from my brie-bacon-and-basil pasta buddies about how nice my house looked and smelled when they came, but what if this were a longer-term project, like renovating a house? Fear and consequences might not be the best motivator. Research supports that fear often doesn’t get the job done when goals are long-term and far off. And it fosters stress and exhaustion. So, what do you depend on?
Vision. Moving toward what you want makes reaching longer-term goals more likely and it encourages ample energy to work toward sustaining it over time. Paint the picture in your mind, attach how it will feel when you get there, and allow this to drive your action steps.
Do What the Situation Calls For
Being approach or avoidance driven is not good or bad. Our viewpoints and ways of seeing the world aren’t exactly fixed, but our behavioral and thinking tendencies are often instilled at a very young age and take a lot of conscious effort to change them. The trick is becoming aware of your natural avoidance or approach tendencies, using them when they work, and shifting when they don’t. I mean, envisioning a sparkling smile at the age of 75 won’t necessarily drive you to brush your teeth every night, but remembering the pain of that molar abscess, and the expense it involved, will. There’s a time and a place for each.
Tips for Getting Motivated
- First, determine your natural orientation. Are you prone to move away from pain or toward something better?
- Determine what the situation calls for. Is this a short-term goal that will benefit from you focusing on the consequences? Or a longer-term goal that is best served by creating a vision?
- Plan ahead – break down longer-term tasks into shorter-term goals and work toward them. See these as your deadlines, rather than the ultimate end point.
- Reframe a fear of consequence motivator to be more of an approach/vision motivator when the situation calls for it. For instance, instead of: I better study tonight or I’ll fail the test Friday, think: I can’t wait until I pass that test Friday; I’ll feel so proud and free.
- Get an accountability partner, someone who you can report to and stay honest with. Be sure they are going to encourage accountability, challenge you kindly and respectfully when you veer off course, and that they have your best interest in mind. Think: (healthy) best friend or spouse, coach, counselor, mentor.
- Be kind to yourself when you don’t reach your goal. Sometimes we set unrealistic goals. Sometimes things come up. Sometimes, we are just human beings doing our best. Either way, practice self-compassion and give yourself grace. It’s been studied and proven that self-compassion is the one thing that helps reduce procrastination and self-deception.
What’s one thing you’ve been trying to accomplish, with little forward movement? Write it in the comments below, with an action step you will take in the next week. And identify and tag an accountability partner.
And for those yellow lights? Maybe just slow down, no matter what the situation calls for. One of my mentors swears by the mantra: slow down to speed up. Don’t race through it. But don’t be that immobile car at the green light causing blaring horns four cars deep, from behind. Focused attention is far more productive than scattered, frantic, scurried chaos, no matter what.
